Good Boundaries & Goodbyes by Lysa Terkeurst

My mom reached out to me and asked if I wanted to read this book with her & I am so glad she did! We have been setting aside time to discuss each chapter as we read. I am sharing my journal entries as well as the conversations I record with my mother here in this space because I believe that God wants to use these conversations to help draw his children near. Our recordings aren’t anything fancy, the quality is poor and a little muffled but hopefully you can get past that & find encouragement through what God has put on our hearts throughout our study.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes journal

I have never viewed establishing healthy parameters in my relationships as an act of love. It has always been out of selfish gain. Needing to establish boundaries for my sanity. Keeping my distance or holding certain things back from certain relationships to keep the peace so that I do not have to “poke the bear” and start uncomfortable conflict. There is so much peace that comes with the view point of establishing boundaries out of love. It feels like the missing piece to my puzzle. Why I have not been able to come to terms with these relationships. No matter how much a pray and ask God to heal the wounds caused by certain people in my life, it continues to be challenging to keep and steward these relationships.

I have been looking at it through the wrong lens. A selfish lens. My perspective has changed. If I were establishing these boundaries out of love and have my heart right, then I believe this will allow God to work within those relationships and mend my heart. It’s like I have hardened my heart so much so, that I block out any lessons or teachings God is trying to get across. I pray that that my heart will soften to what God wants to teach me.

In the past setting boundaries was all about keeping my sanity and protecting my heart.

When I really take an honest look at my heart, I find at the root of these unhealthy relationships is fault on my part. Jealousy, anger, grudges held, and just pain and frustration that I didn’t handle things differently. Taking a step back and looking at what role I play in these difficult relationships, it’s true that I am not without fault. I come to terms that I have played a role in the damage that has plagued these relationships. Do I feel to my core that I am less to blame…honestly yes. Would that person say the same? Probably. But I guess this is the dead end. Where I drop it at Jesus’ feet and trust that he guides me and mends those relationships. But what if he doesn’t? what then?

Maybe that is when it is time to say goodbye?

Introduction

Remember:

“We set boundaries so we know what to do when we very much want to love those around us really well without losing ourselves in the process. Good boundaries help us preserve the love within us even when some relationships become unsustainable and we must accept the reality of a goodbye.”

“boundaries protect the right kind of love and help prevent dysfunction from destroying that love”

“love should be what draws us together not what tears us apart”

-Lisa Terkeurst

Receive:

“we can’t set good boundaries without love. Setting boundaries from a place of anger and bitterness will only lead to control and manipulations. Setting boundaries as a punishment will only serve to imprison us. But setting boundaries from a place of love provides an opportunity for relationships to grow deeply because true connection thrives within the safety of health and honesty.”

My Prayer:

Dad, guide me as I set out to learn and grow more with you. To learn more about setting boundaries and what you desire out of my relationships. Open my eyes and ears to what you have to show and speak to me. Soften my heart, Dad, so that I may receive your teachings and retain all the wisdom you will reveal to me through this study and your Word.

Make me new and mold my heart to your liking. I want what you want for my life. Use me, Lord, today and everyday so that I may further your kingdom. Help me not to conform to the ways of this world. Guard my heart from wanting worldly desires. Align my heart with you and your desires for my life.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

my heart is numb

to the pain their company inflicts

exhaustion has overcome my spirit

from carrying this weight

You take it for me

and for the first time

in a long time

i feel like I can breathe

-kortney sue jacobs