Good Boundaries & Goodbyes By Lysa Terkheurst
Chapter One Journal Entry & Audio Convo with Angie Stanfield
Remember:
“it’s hard to own what you don’t choose”
“all relationships can be difficult at times, but they should not be destructive to our well-being”
“drawing boundaries can help put out fires before they become all consuming. But if the fire keeps burning with increasing intensity you’ve got to get away from the smoke and flames. Sometimes your only option is to say goodbye.”
-Lisa Terkeurst
Receive:
Should you not fear me?” declares the Lord.
“Should you not tremble in my presence?
I made the sand a boundary for the sea,
an everlasting barrier it cannot cross.
The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail;
they may roar, but they cannot cross it.
Reflect:
You cannot build trust that keeps getting broken.
When I was playing with my 2-year-old son Jefferson in his room last night, we were stacking blocks & he would get so excited to knock them over that I would barely get two blocks stacked before he would swing at it with excitement. This is what came to mind when I read, you cannot build trust that keeps getting broken. Just like how I could not build a tower because my 2-year-old just wanted to knock it over, you can’t build trust that keeps getting broken.
You keep trying to build trust like I kept trying to build a tower, but I knew I would only get two blocks in before my toddler destroyed it. After about the third time it became indefinite that his only interest was to knock the tower over. He had no intensions of building a tower but to only to destroy.
Even if you give someone another chance to gain back trust, after a few times, or however many chances you give them, you start to realize that no matter how many times you try to build trust…it’s only going to get broken again. I think even after someone breaks trust one time, there is fear and concern that they may do it again. I mean if they did it once…there is a chance they will do it again right?
I have always thought that as a Christian we should keep forgiving and forgetting no matter how many times someone does you wrong. But this is actually not what the Bible teaches. Nowhere in the Bible does it say, “forgive & forget”.
drawing boundaries can help put out fires before they become all consuming. But if the fire keeps burning with increasing intensity you’ve got to get away from the smoke and flames. Sometimes your only option is to say goodbye.
-Lisa Terkeurst
I think it is really powerful to bring boundaries to the table and to communicate and try to make things work instead of sweeping all the disfunction and destruction under the rug. Sometimes it’s just easier to let things be and work on yourself rather than to sit down and have difficult conversations with loved ones because for me, personally, the relationships that need boundaries are mostly family members. People that I don’t particularly want to say goodbye to! It feels pointless to even discuss the dysfunction because I don’t want to bring about confrontation or conflict. Honestly that just feels like a dead end or adding more fuel to the fire ya know?
I feel like it is just easier to set boundaries for myself and do what only I can control-myself and my own actions. You learn to just hold back and be cordial. You learn how to deal with the dysfunction so that you can avoid stress and further pain.
A change I hope to make in myself is to not be so judgmental toward the people I love. I am constantly focused on the negative points in all my relationships & I want to become more genuine in seeing the good in the ones I love, even when they do me wrong and make it difficult to appreciate the good about them. I want to let go of the pain that is inflicted by the relationships in my life and have a fresh new heart set and mind set when it comes to setting boundaries with the relationships that currently cause much stress and pain in my heart and hurt my well-being.
I just want to let go of the pain that these relationships have caused. I have prayed & prayed and tried to work through my pain for years. But the pain always finds a way to resurface and reinflict time & time again. I want to let it go and put it at Jesus’ feet and stop carrying it with me.
Pray:
Dad, give me a deeper understanding of what it truly means to build and sustain healthy relationships that are pleasing to you. Give me wisdom and discernment so that I may approach relationships with others from a true and correct mindset that aligns with you. Give me the strength and courage to say goodbye when a goodbye is imminent. Guide me. Teach me. I open my heart to you, do a work in me.
In Jesus’ name AMEN
i draw a line in the sand
they cannot cross
but the roaring waves
continually crash
they wash away my line
just as fast as I can draw
You take my hand
and pull me back
before the waves engulf
-kortney sue jacobs
