May the Force Be with You

I have been doing more listening & learning than writing these days.

It’s like I’ve been in a special season of solitude. I haven’t shared much on my blog or social media. Often times I haven’t felt led to & the other times I felt led to, I fought off the urge out of fear of what others would think. But this morning I felt that nudge to start writing. I never know what will come out when the spirit leads me to write. I usually get the first sentence & the rest is a surprise to me.

I keep feeling led to share about the house we are building & what God is teaching me through this process but I fight back on it. I don’t ever want to seem like I am boasting & bragging. I know how social media can make others feel. I’ve been there! Constantly seeing the exciting moments of other’s lives & feeling sad, envious, & frustrated that my life isn’t more exciting or more put together like what I see on social media.

The reality is, building this house hasn’t been much of a highlight reel. It’s been a lot of: Stress, arguments, budgeting, trying to be good stewards of our money, a lot of upsets, surprises, patience testing, to name a few.

We have been living in a camper for over 2 years with two littles. I know people do this all the time; some people even live like this permanently! But we have not been set up for permanent camper living. We aren’t even hooked up to water. For those who don’t know, we are camping behind our grandparents’ garage & go to & from the garage for everything – bathroom, laundry, eating, everything.

The only thing we do in our camper is sleep. Otherwise, we live in the garage, which we are so very grateful for! But we are beyond ready to get out of papa’s garage so he can have his space back (we have completely overtaken his garage with our stuff we’ve got to go into the house, kids’ toys, & just all of our daily living stuff).

My life feels like sloppy chaos most days & I just haven’t felt like sharing this season of my life. I feel like no one wants to see any more sloppy chaos than they already have to lol. But I do realize in that same breath, yes, they do. They want/need to see/read whatever the spirit has to say through any one of our brothers & sisters in Christ. I (we) just need the courage (& time – which I had no problem finding last night when I binged Star Wars) to be able to type/say it.

As I pause to go back & read all I’ve typed, I find myself fighting the urge (as I always do) to delete this entire thing. My thought is: “what will my brothers & sisters even get from these random thoughts??”

& then I heard in the spirit, “leave that to me”

May the force be with you.